LIFEdevelopment.info - Chasing Utopia

Family Interrupted

Families suffer various kinds of stress, and family relationships often break down as a consequence of this stress. In this episode the participants discuss the issue of why modern families fall apart, and offer opinions about how to improve family life.

 

A - Broken Lives

Cameron shared his experience of what it was like to fall into a broken life because of a broken family.

• I found it really difficult getting on with my mum and two sisters because they were dealing with the same sort of stuff I was going through.
• I’d find myself being violent and throwing things and putting my fist through walls.
• Loneliness was about the hardest thing I felt dealing with.
• My utopia is not much. It’s just being happy.

1. What patterns of family relationships do you see as putting children at risk?
2. What behavioural signs would you list as showing someone as being at risk emotionally and socially?
3. Why do you think family members become dependent on others in relationships? Are there any advantages in this dependency?

 

B - Family Relationships

There was a perception that many families are having difficulty in relating well. People find it hard to communicate well, particularly when in crisis. There was a further claim that many people experience few meaningful relationships, even at a friendship level.

• The traditional family unit hardly exists any more.
• The family itself is not making the decisions about what’s best for the family.
• What concerns me most is that without strong family relationships, I wonder where young individuals are getting their role models from.

• There is a lack of communication and the realisation that a relationship needs to develop in order for changes to take place.

1. How do you feel about the claim that the struggle for money and the pursuit of wants rather than needs is the main cause of family break up?
2. In what ways do you think the attitudes and habits learned in the workplace might be leading people away from maintaining good family relationships?
3. If people need love and acceptance in their close relationships, why do you think they are prepared to sacrifice the fulfilment of these needs to succeed in other aspects of life?
4. Why do you think it takes a long time for people to undo the bad habits they learn in their ongoing close relationships and change for the better?

 

C - The Threat of Careers

There were a number of opinions about how the workplace can have a negative effect on family life.

• So you see ridiculous hours being done by individuals, even sixty to seventy hours.
• It might sound one-dimensional but what I deserve is money. I am working for money.
• There’s an endless "to do" list. You never seem to catch up.
• The insecurity that you have in your job places extra pressure on you to achieve.

1. How would you describe the images of career success portrayed by the models in this episode?
2. What signs would you offer as showing someone as being obsessed with career at the expense of family life?
3. Why do you think so many people are intent on climbing the career ladder?
4. What deep human needs do you see lying beneath this push for success in career?

 

D - Life Satisfaction

There was reference to the idea that family breakdown mirrors a wider breakdown in life satisfaction and meaning for many people. Supposedly there is something about our wider society that helps cause family problems.

• I think the lack of satisfaction with relationships in general just mirrors individuals’ own lack of satisfaction with a lot of their own pursuits, drives or interests.
• Quite often families are divorcing because one person is no longer meeting the needs of the other person … One of those persons has decided that they deserve something better.
• The real cost of living is much greater because of the expectation of what life should provide.
• Why is it that we get rid of our cars every couple of years? Wouldn’t it make sense that we also change our partner when we go up a level in career?

1. How do you feel about those who continually pursue their wants by upgrading jobs, houses, partners and lifestyles? Is this a shallow view of life?
2. Do you agree with the idea that current divorce rates not only mirror peoples’ dissatisfaction with marriage, but show a lack of satisfaction with their lives in general?
3. What factors do you see as causing this dissatisfaction? Examples of these factors may be materialism, media images of the successful life in the "fast lane", or the selfish pursuit of personal wants rather than deep needs.
4. Do you think we may become more satisfied with life if we see it’s wider meaning?

 

E - How to Mend Families

Two of the participants in this episode offered advice on how good families can be developed, and broken ones mended.

• Kids who talk to their mothers a lot tend to grow up quite balanced, and accept the values their parents have.
• Warm, caring families who have relatively good structure create the most positive environment for values to develop.
• It’s when you are permissive one week and terribly strict the next, and angry the next week that kids can’t seem to understand how to relate to their family.

1. Do you agree with Bailey Gillespie that parents’ consistency in mood and management style is critical in raising good families?
2. What do you think "structure" is in family life? How would you build "structure" if you were a parent?
3. What does the term "resilience" mean to you? How do you see it being developed in children?

 

F - Summary

1. Why do you think the modern family is under threat? Is there a single big cause, or a number of causes?
2. What tips would you offer to parents as being the key to bringing up children well?
3. What kinds of pursuits do you think bring the deepest personal satisfaction in life?

home | news | about | events | contacts | departments | churches | resources | gallery | links | help | search

© 2002 British Union Conference of Seventh-day Adventists