LIFEdevelopment.info - Chasing Utopia

Intimacy

This episode takes a look at the ways in which men and women pursue one of their deepest human needs as they try to relate to each other intimately. Through its conversations it explores the ways in which men and women view intimacy and draws out some suggestions about how good relationships are created and sustained.

 

A - What Men and Women Look For

The episode starts by giving the male and female perspective of what each sex may seek in the other.

• I search for romance in people, and depth and love and conviction.

• She has to have a good temperament, and she has to be ready to give to me and those around me….She must be kind but not necessarily beautiful.

• It doesn’t come from a particular face or shape or body type — it comes from within.

1. How do the male and female opinions differ about what qualities they are looking for in the opposite sex?

2. It seems that depth and soul mates are hard to come by in close relationships. Do you think this has to be the way it is?

 

B - The Idea of Intimacy

The footage on the meaning of intimacy gives it many shades of meaning.

• When people do experience it, it is so special, so unique, so powerful, so overwhelming that they will be willing to do anything to be intimate with that other person. Very few people ever experience that.

• I know so many people who are suffering in their hearts and lives because they haven’t been able to find the real thing.

1. What is intimacy in your view?

2. Which parts of intimacy do you think are missing most in relationships?

3. Do you agree that few people experience genuine intimacy and romantic passion?

 

C - Romantic Love

The speakers provide some opinion about the nature of romantic love.

• I don’t find that people give a lot to each other, especially romantically.

• During the lovemaking there will be caressing, loving looks, little kisses, kind words.

• The man becomes the hero and says "let me take you somewhere". She builds bridges and invites him.

1. What do you think romance is?

2. To what extent do you think the quality of male/female relationships depends on chemistry and romance?

3. Are any aspects of romance missing from the accounts of the speakers in the video?

 

D - Sex

Emmanuel in particular has a fair bit to say about how sex works in romance.

• Sex is nature at work, an internal force.

• It’s not a question of time or quality, but more a question of technique.

• It’s a game for sure.

• There is so much lovemaking on this earth, I assume that most people know how to do it.

1. What do you think of Emmanuel’s account of sexual romance?

2. How important is sex in romantic love? Can romantic love flourish without it?

3. How much has the "quick hit" mentality affected the relationship between sex and romance in your view?

 

E - False Perspectives of Love

Mention is made of the "Hollywood" version of romance, and of "quick hits" and lack of stability in romance.

• It doesn’t seem to be popular to stay with a relationship through the good times and the bad.

• The most prominent thing that people look up to is materialistic fame, and that takes away from each individual’s capacity to search for that intimacy.

• People seem to be in search of a quick hit, quick intimacy.

1. What is meant by the "me, me" society in terms of intimacy?

2. How has the entertainment industry created an unrealistic picture of intimacy?

 

F - How Families Nurture Relationships

The claim is that men and women become better lovers if they have been nurtured warmly and loved appropriately by their own mothers and fathers.

• The most profound thing that I have realised from the clients I have worked with….is that for the woman, when their father loved them, nurtured them, was affectionate, caring, they would grow up with that ability….they would be able to explore that and search for it.

1. To what extent do you think adult intimacy draws strength from family relationships?

2. Can you give examples from your own experience of how parents have succeeded or failed to nurture their children in preparation for intimacy?

3. How do families improve their relationships if these are keys to better romance?

 

G - Male and Female Roles

The female perspective was that many women have lost their role in society.

• Women have become so independent that they’ve almost developed a masculine state.

• I would like a man in my life to play the man, and the roles are blurred.

1. What do you think of the view that too many women are becoming more masculine and losing their romantic purpose or capacity?

2. Do you agree that the romantic roles are becoming blurred these days? Does it matter if they are?

3. Do you think that family relationships contribute to blurring of romantic roles?

 

H - How to Enrich Relationships

There is advice on how to develop good romantic relationships.

• One of the things that our world needs more is that openness, the receptiveness, and the biggest reason that people are not there is fear and stress….and only when people learn how to relax and let go do they become able to overcome the fear.

• It’s so important for people to be willing to surrender, to be willing to give to each other.

1. Do you think that fear, stress and lack of confidence are big robbers of intimacy?

2. We are supposed to take risks in seeking romance yet we get hurt through risk. Do you think we should still take the risks, and that broken hearts always mend?

3. Why do you think surrendering and giving to each other in intimacy are rated so important here?

 

I - Overview

1. Has the episode presented an adequate cultural perspective of how romantic love works, and of how it can be enriched?

2. Have the conversations given you any food for thought?

3. Love has many meanings. In what ways do Christian or other religious concepts of love strengthen and support romantic love?

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© 2002 British Union Conference of Seventh-day Adventists