LIFEdevelopment.info - Chasing Utopia
Something Bigger than Me
Participants in this episode are being asked what it takes to make children and adolescents successful in life. Comments in the episode relate life success to self-esteem, identity, connection to others, and other factors.
A - Conformity
Adolescents’ need to conform can make them preoccupied with fame, materialism and other aspects of western lifestyle that can be seen as being shallow.
In order to fit in they have to do certain things, or be a certain person, or wear certain clothes, or have certain material possessions.
When I see models in magazines, on posters, or shopping centres, I feel like the pressure is on.
It’s really intimidating sometimes. You look around and you don’t feel as if you’re up there with the best of them.
Even though teenagers know they need to be themselves, they often place a higher value on conforming to group ideals or media images of success. In your view why does this happen?
Do you think the media people know they are making it hard for teens to develop a good balanced identity?
Why do teenagers "buy into" magazine and movie images of successful people?
B - Acceptance and Affirmation
The conversations in the episode show that good self-identity and self-esteem seem to require a sense of acceptance by other people and on the affirmation we receive from them.
What a child wants and needs more than anything else is to feel that they are accepted and supported by their family.
I wonder if my dad really kind of likes me?
I think that what makes me feel good about myself is when people really affirm me.
What makes the biggest impact on self-esteem in children is a feeling of not being needed, a feeling of not being valued.
Why do you think acceptance and affirmation figure so strongly in helping children and adolescents develop self-esteem?
Given the pace of life, how do you see people obtaining the energy and thoughtfulness to continually show affirmation and acceptance to children, adolescents and others?
Why do you think people like Gandhi have high self-esteem without others’ approval?
C - Success
In the episode there is some exploration of what it means to succeed in life.
Nowadays it's all about me me me, the importance of me and my success.
It’s always judging on appearances, not how the person actually is.
The media is solely responsible for young peoples’ preoccupation with fame.
Do you think the images of success portrayed in much of the modern media shallow or false? What key values do these images portray?
How would you describe the process by which self-confidence, self-esteem and identity help determine peoples’ success?
What in your view is genuine success?
D - Relationships
The quality of our relationships, particularly those we develop in family life, have a big impact on our self-worth. The dialogue in the episode explores this connection.
People aren’t building up people.
There’s a yearning to be vulnerable in a safe space.
Modern day parents are missing out.
What makes me feel good as a person is playing around with my friends, talking to them.
Why do you think children, teens and adults yearn to be vulnerable in a safe place?
Given their stresses and pressures, how can parents improve their relationships with their children?
Can you explain how relationships build identity and self-worth in children and teens?
E - Something Bigger
The view is expressed that young people need to develop a sense that there is something bigger in life than their small world. This bigger element brings purpose to life.
The ethos and culture interrupts young peoples’ sense of being engaged in a project that’s about something bigger than themselves.
It’s really different to be in a school when people are connected around who they are and could be, and what they could be about that’s bigger.
I think it’s very important that we are able to be a giving community and share.
In your view, can there be something bigger in life that is not related to some kind of religious faith?
Is society’s culture hindering young peoples’ engagement in bigger life causes?
Do we need to engage in some bigger cause or project beyond our own interests to develop self-esteem? How do you see this issue?
F - Being Our Own Selves
The episode presents some interesting views on how children and adolescents can establish their own personal sense of identity and worth.
I feel important because I am my own individual self. There’s no-one else like me.
Who cares, eat your own stuff, wear your own clothes. You don’t need to be spending that much time with your head in a magazine.
No-one ever really just turns everything off and just does their own thing. It’s a spiritual thing as well.
Do you think solitude and tuning out noise help teenagers to become their own original person?
Is teenagers’ or adults’ desire to conform only a developmental thing?
What advice would you give teenagers about how to establish their own identity?
G - Summary
Can you suggest how school, church or other social community groups may be giving adolescents the idea that they are not valued or needed.
What part do emotional skills play in building children’s self-esteem and identity?
To what extent do you think self-esteem and identity are a spiritual thing?
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© 2002 British Union Conference of Seventh-day Adventists